where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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