it hurts more in the daytime
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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