I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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