Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
