Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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