I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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