The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
