I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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