suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
