So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize