On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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