You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
