My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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