It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
