I bet he comes in French.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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