3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
