Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
