Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
