I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
