Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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