You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
