Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
