Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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