So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
