Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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