i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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