Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
