I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
