And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
