I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
