dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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