She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
