you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
