Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
