i just had sex bonerless
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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