i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
