I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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