I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
