i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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