When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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