dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
