i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
