i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
