you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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