just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
