making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
