Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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