He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize