you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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