moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
