Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
