my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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