you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
