my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
