So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
