what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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