No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
