White coat. Heels.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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