I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
