There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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