I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
