WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
