I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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