There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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