I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
