Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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