I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
