So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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