Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
tell me about the fingering
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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