You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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