Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
